Hubris v. Insecurity

       The paragraph on pages 56-57 of the Transformation really spoke to me. I have a weird thing in my psyche. The line
"They were not convinced that they deserved a job; but neither were they convinced that they did not deserve a job"
hit me the hardest. Going through high school and applying for college, I had both of these thoughts. I found myself in some middle ground where I felt that my grades weren't good enough to get into my top choice but, at the same time, I didn't think my grades were bad enough to not get accepted into that, or any other good school.
       My issues with assimilation are illustrated with the lines "One minute. . . they would say to themselves that there were so many idiots in this complex that they might as well be one . . . And the next minute they would think their work was good . . . at least decent enough . . . that they were as good as the idiots." It's easy to get through life being just as good as everyone else because you don't have to try to break out of the crowd or realize your full potential. It's easier because it could be painful to actually strive for something and then fall well short of it when you give 100%.
       And it's the same thing with my writing. When I write, and I finish a project, I think it's really good, the best thing I've written so far. But, as soon as I present it to someone else, I notice all of the imperfections that I hadn't before. "But then the next minute they would trip and look at their work with the clear eyes of disrespect, and they would notice the smallness of their ideas . . . " After I revise and everything, I go right back through the same struggle of whether it's good enough or not.